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I have a problem.
I come up with ideas and thoughts that I want to recall and revisit. But if I do not write them down, I tend to lose them. It means I can lose unique viewpoints on things that I could otherwise foresee. I risk never having the same perspectives again.
So I document.
I write it down the easiest way where ever I can:
This enables me to store and recover information. But it is not enough. I must still find the right notes in the right moment. I must find it when I need it and I need to easily navigate all information.
So far I have tried solving the problems with these methods:
Eliminating – Removing or rewriting the information that is no longer true or that lacks utility.
Tagging and labeling – Putting on labels, tags and keywords on notes to know what they are about. This enables me to find things without having to read the full text or it’s content.
Chunking – Finding commonalities between notes, such as concern, category or function. Then structuring the notes into documents structured by chapters.
Synthesis – Putting together notes with similar meaning and removing repeated content.
This has taken me from 1000s of notes to 100s of documents. But in doing so I lose specificity. Instead of one note for each idea, there is now one document for a cluster of ideas. (Separation of concern?)
What I am trying to do now is:
I think my ideas and thoughts are useful so I’ll keep working on them. I aim to open up more and share more. Just need to organise it more!
Openly talk about myself, my feelings, my interests, my thoughts and my beliefs. Guess it is rooted in fear of being judged, Fear of not being liked, Performance anxiety,
Hard time expressing my thinking. I think a lot but it is not always easy to convey what I think to others. It’s partly because I like to think things trough and compare it to as much of the knowledge I already have before deciding what to do with information and it’s also that I enjoy listening to other people to get their full story and understanding their point of view. A lot of people’s deep thoughts are never heard if you don’t take the time to listen.
My expression problems are probably also related to my fear of exposure which I stated above that partly discourages me from interaction but also has a tendency to stress me up when interacting with people, especially people I find interesting and amazing, because I am like “This person is awesome, I don’t want to fuck things up.” Then I worry a lot.
I feel like I have periods of low energy and periods of high energy.
I’m not really aware if there are any consistent cycles. Like when or how or why or what it is that triggers it. Seems to be different in different situations. And also “energy” is a very vauge term. So I need to pinpoint exactly what I mean.
First I would describe it as partly a physical aspect. Like I actually feel less capable doing things, I feel tired or heavy in my body, I don’t think as clearly and I generally don’t seek doing things and prioritise sleeping or resting activities.
Sometimes it is combined with a sensation of stressed stomach, heartburn, lower temperature of and something a sensation of tingling in hands and feet.
Related feelings could be described as low and is usually in combination with sensations of stress.
I would call myself a pretty distant minded, I zone out and can usually be internally focused on ideas and dreams. Think about many things I could do and end up doing just a tiny bit of everything. I believe I learn a lot as I cross many ideas! But I don’t get a lot things implemented in my life right away.
I’m also really open to new ideas and a bit to easily convinced to jump onto projects I don’t really have time for, believing too much in my future ability and not considering the infinite spectrum of things that could go wrong.
I’m fairly unstructured in my thinking. I like to just zone out and let my mind wander between thoughts. I day dream a lot. There is not a lot of intensionality behind it when I do it, it more like just happens. (This is the main reason why I go by the domain Focusless.net as I think it describes my thinking.)
What I need to work on more is to be more attentive and structured in my thinking, in my documentation and in my actions to get some sort of throughput from internal world to the external world.
I feel I have deep knowledge pools but for me it takes time to navigate between them. Basically memory navigation. I think deep about issues that I’m pondering in any given moment but it can be hard for my brain to go quickly between subjects.
I have a tendency to start over or repeat my work but with different words instead of embracing previous documented knowledge and iterating on it. I believe it is mainly caused by a sense that I need the information now and I don’t have the time to navigate and find my memories or documentations about it. Sometimes it is hard to identify if it is something I’ve pondered before, just that I’ve pondered it from another angle so I don’t recognise it.
This is both about my past self and other people. I somehow prefer dragging ideas out of my current conscious mind instead of just reading my notes and notes of others which in reality would have helped me better and faster. I guess I don’t want to rely on notes. I want to be able to be creative and generate information in the moment as opposed to just repeating some specific script.
Interestingly there seems to be a trade off for me between consistency and creativity. Both are very useful in different situations but I can’t really handle both at the same time.
Sticking with things and being strict about following them through is something I have trouble with. I know I am capable of finishing. But I need to take the time to consistently work until it sticks. I’m aware of my tendency to get back to sloppy work or old habits. Usually in situations where I believe I am under stress or pressure.
Being hyped to start but stopping when I feel tired. + not being strong or motivated enough to pick up on where I left off the day after. Basically addicted to starting over?
It goes through both big picture, like bigger projects and small picture like how I write.
Here is an example of how I wrote this post:
I have a vague idea of what it is that I want to write about and communicate. I come up with a lot of anecdotes but then I get lost in trying to describe it as a bigger picture in a structure where these anecdotes makes sense. Like how do I put them all in a coherent text that can be followed linearly and then be understood? I try categorising my anecdotes into some form of chapter structure? Like if they are all separate problems that you can deal with individually. Even though I know they are all big bundle of problems, more like a sphere like interconnected systems of elements that interact with each other in unique ways. Writing this document is like taking this sphere and just trying to find a way to flatten it out into a one dimensional sequence of words and characters. There is just no way you can simulate the bigger picture with linear text. Some things will be disjointed, so I’ll have to focus on the most important ones.
So part of it is about calming down and slowly observe what I am doing, focusing on what I believe is most important to see if it is really what I want in the long term, focusing on one habit at a time until I perform them naturally, consistently and without effort.
Keeping track of specific things. I can’t remember names well, I can be bad at remembering specific words for things. I remember general ideas and scopes and ranges of systems and processes more than I remember specific examples instances and happenings.
Maybe I should just leave this post incomplete just like it is, as I am starting to get tired. Which makes this blog an example itself of the problems I try to describe.
I might never pick this blog post up again to “finish” it. And maybe it’s incompleteness is what makes it perfect after all. (Too meta.)
I’ll continue identifying and trying to deal with weaknesses. Iterate on them one step at a time and building systems up slowly.
All that you have is at some level assumptions. Assumptions can differ only in strength, how strongly they are believed. Belief is based in mind, controlled by physical system, your body, your brain. Your brain has developed through the process of evolution where the physical system you possess is one of the physical structure that has been proven to work towards the purpose and pattern we call survival.(Proven by considering yourself alive today.)
Following heart, feelings or instinct, another way of saying that you give in to ancient evolutionary patterns, which through the reflection of time prove itself worthy relying towards the unknown destination we often call survival.
Impulses adapts us to the physical memory of our environment. Your past connects to the past of this world. You relying on the memory of the physical, part of the world, a formation generated from the creation of life to the being you are now. The memory we call DNA, encoded as self replicating documentation of past experiences, emergent from change happening through time.
Complexity gave us the ability to choose. Tempting behavioural patterns that this world has limited us to through physical are what we call biases. They are sets of patterns in your brain which reacts in specific ways to specific situations, giving rise to predictable behaviours.
“Sensations”, physical impulses traveling through system of matter, which through it’s pattern of movement observes itself and thus reflects. Consciousness, thus an emergent effect from physical arrangement.
To be biased means to be prone to perform certain processes over others. The existence of biases can be simply confirmed by observing that we are beings of memorisation and adaption, in other words systems of learning. we are both patterns seekers and pattern consumers. We have now through what we call our selves, our learning pattern, measured our learning pattern.
“The most important decision you make in life, in any given moment is the decision of what is really going on. You can’t make any decision beyond it until you have made that decision and if you make a mistake on that decision in real life, then that has really grave consequences. Magic is this playground where you get to play around with that most important possible decision where it doesn’t matter.” – Teller
Making things happen in ways that people can’t explain. Making the appearance of an seemingly impossible event. Nothing fools you better than the lies you tell yourself. In magic the illusion (choice of method) is everything. The secret (method) is nothing.
The performance is shown to the audience while the actual process is hidden beyond the ledge of the known. Beyond the know-ledge.
Magic is showing an audience something so that afterwards when they ask how it was done, it leaves them without the clues or ability to know how.
Basic rules of magic
The 7 basic principles of magic:
This is going to be a “OH MY GOOD I LOVE MUSIC, MUSIC IS SO COOL! RYTHMS, THE UNIVERSE, EVERYTHINGWAAA!!” sort of blog post.
So it might not be very well structured, but hey, then I have the chance to iterate some. And make cooler posts later.
So let’s start.
Music is fascinating as a medium because the only way you experience it is through time. It a very linear medium because it is only dictated by one variable which is the level of pressure your eardrum is exposed to in any given moment. What you “hear” is the summary of these pressure instances and the variability they create over time. “Music” is just a brain addiction to certain perceived patterns, recognised and associated with things that evolution and your environment has over time made you feel affection for.
I want to explain why I love rhythms to the extent that I do, in a smart way like I did with the concept of music above but I think I am to emotionally invested in rhythms right now to be able to do so. So this will probably just be LOOK AT THIS IT IS AMAZING WHY DOESN’T ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME. But I’ll give it a shot.
What I can say, is that it is an acquired taste. I didn’t like weird rhythms because I didn’t understand weird rhythms before. I have liked music for as long as I can remember but my interest in rhythms was obtained as I got more into music, in a period when I wanted to become a true great musician.
My goal at that point in time was a very childish one: “To become the best keyboardist in the world!” I fanboyed over keyboardists that could play really fast and the first point where I thought, “This is it, here is the greatest keyboardist in the f**king world.” was when I stumbled upon this guy on YouTube, from the metal band Children of Bodom. I don’t remember if there was a specific song, but I remember just generally many notes and playing musical scales up and down, fast, very fast. This is the guy I am talking about, This example is from one of his side projects:
I had friends though who told me there were crazier things out there. Bands like Meshuggah and Dream Theater. I didn’t really understand that kind of music at that time, my general opinion was “This is just chaos music, therefore they are playing badly.”
The noise was too complicated for me to understand. Because I had been conditioned by the 4/4 my whole life and because those musicians where playing a completely different game altogether than the “normal” musicians, using their own rules that they’ve agreed upon themselves (magic circle).
My passion pursuit for music lead me to apply to a music high school. I got accepted and there I met new people that opened my eyes. It was like “Look, there is more, there is all this crazy music that you have never heard of before that is way more complicated than anything you’ve ever been exposed to before.”
All music for me up until that point was 4/4 music. What this means is that the whole structure and mental framework I had was this squarish idea that in music you count to 4 everything else is just doing things incorrectly. 1, 2, 3, 4 repeat. Indefinitely. But because of my newfound friends with tad more uncommon musical taste I was introduced to the idea that maybe what I can see is not everything that is out there. And that changed my perspective on music forever.
5/8 time signature. Music that is based on the structure and mental framework of counting to 5 making patterns that doesn’t synchronise with 4/4. In 4/4 you can divide the notes in the middle to create two equally sized notes of double speed, which means you always count to 4, 8 or 16 within one cycle of beats for a specific tempo, which level is dependent on what level of double speed you are thinking in when you make the music. In 5/8, though, you change your 4’s into 5’s where your double speeds becomes 5, 10, 20, etc.
For this following song and example it might help to count to 7 followed by a counting to 8, creating a pattern total of 15 (realising myself that this example might not be one of the easy tutorial concept to start with. Sorry about that.)
My musical life turned into a math game, of counting and synchronising beats. You can add time signatures after each other, like counting to 4 then counting to 5, creating a pattern which sum is 9. All of a sudden you have a pattern that synchronised with a beat where you count to 3 for 3 times in a row (5+4=9, 3*3=9). Down the rabbit hole it quickly becomes beautifully complex.
This is not everything though. The above is just linear sequencing of beats. You can also, as I briefly hinted at earlier, have unusual rhythms and time signatures that run in parallel and not just as a sequence like above examples. This is what is called polytheistic. It is basically like playing with two or more mental frameworks of rhythm simultaneously. The most usual variants of polytheism have two “tracks” running simultaneously and overlapping, creating periods of desynchronisation and synchronisation of patterns running simultaneously. The following example is one pattern that is counted to 3 and another pattern that is counted to 4. These pattern synchronise when the 3 counting pattern has run 4 times, because 4*3 is 12 and 3*4 is 4. Meaning that 3 sequences of the 4 pattern aligns with 4 sequences of the 3 pattern.
The following is another example, or at least the intro of the song is 🙂
So to make gaming analogies: This is basically the dark souls of music. It is the bullet hell, it is the endless search for complex patterns and challenges to understand and overcome.
I am too tired to write anymore right now. Please leave a comment if you read this, I need as much feedback as I possibly can. I want to get better at writing and I want to write things that are accurate. And just any acknowledgement or feedback that people can give me is highly appreciated. Thanks.